The New Testament Mandate (Satire Alert)

  The President has issued a regulation as part of the Affordable Health Care Act that all elementary schools in America, whether public, private, or parochial, must provide each student a copy of the New Testament.  This book must be provided to any student who requests one, with no discrimination with regard to race, gender, religion, or economic status.  The book must also be in the preferred language of the student that requests it.  Each school must purchase these New Testaments with funds from their school budget.  When asked about this mandate, the President answered, "This is an issue of children's health care....their eternal health is at stake.  Every child in America should have access to a New Testament.  It is only fair."
(Three days later)
   The President has experienced a firestorm of controversy over his New Testament mandate.  Outspoken critics from school boards and teachers unions around the country have flooded the media with their objections.  Today, the President has announced a compromise.  No longer will the schools have to provide these New Testaments with funds from their school budgets.  Instead, the publishers that provide books for the schools will be mandated to provide these New Testaments to the schools at no cost.  The schools will not have to violate their conscience by providing these New Testaments.  Yet, as the President indicated, the eternal health of the students will be preserved.